Sometimes life is absolutely unpleasant, not worth sharing, embarrassing, then when clarity hits, it returns to the methodical working system of separate parts, set on a cheery timer that just buzzes along side you.
And maybe, hearing about how I survive my personal horror show, will inspire you to not give up at the first sign of adversity, conflict or inconvenience life has for you. Strap in. This is a pip.
So, we’re a month and a half past surgery with extended hospital stay. I am already affixed with a necessary, non-negotiable colostomy that’s developed into a pronounced prolapsed stoma, and I can’t get a break on the upkeep and maintenance of my current collection of working parts.
Aside from the gaping groin wound I am faithfully nursing, am losing my right boob to even more interesting yet hardly of any use to anyone infection. It is like 3 times the size as normal and noticeably heavy. To put it realistically yet impolitely: b!tch hurt.
Indeed, things are grim. My bag leaks cuz my stoma fills my entire bag. Not a fashion statement, no this is not a 90s fad revisit, the bit of small intestine in a discreet sack located in the middle of your torso, “colostomy chique” look that I am going for.
No, this is year seven for the proverbial frontal sh!t sack, a necessity in the surgical journey to battle hidradenitis. And to be totally honest. I am kind of over it.
So, here I am. In the now. Bowel spasming as well as the occasional bladder spasm from the cathader has me doubled over in cramps. I’m probably a little dehydrated. I’m still punchy from the three previous periodic leaks, ensuing bed changes, medicated showers, dressing changes and to do list extravaganza I have awaiting me when I get past this current mess. Am I worried? Nah.
These issues are gonna pass, they have to. There is too much natural evidence that “things pass” as well as change for me to worry too much about a little exaggerated belly pain from strain.
Unpleasant, check. Annoying, indubitably. Life not worth living because of the inconvenience? Stop playing.
Losing so much of the things other people are able to take for granted, like basic reliable bodily functions, definitely is an inconvenience but only a minor one compared to the nonphysical losses others have suffered.
The loss of empathy, compassion, faith and spiritual connection because they can’t appreciate the complexities of existing, imperfect and a target for abuse.
Besides, those old church lessons learned tell me surely, I must be blessed for the devil to work this hard on me?
What must the blessings to come look like for him to take such trouble?? And surely, even now, rough tongued and suffering, He carries me and guides me through these trials and tribulations? Have to be blessed, to be strong enough to weather the storms life throws at you, without toppling over from the pressure.
That’s the hope that gets me through when life doesn’t just throw curve balls but likes to lob bricks out into the status quo at you at random.
In those cases, You duck. Breathe. Tell life to “suck it”. And move right on back to business.
Whatever your mess is, figurative or literal, just clean it up! One step at a time, one task at a time, from the bottom up and before long, things are better. The perspective has brightened slightly and the horizon is clear again.
Tomorrow isn’t just something you face, it’s something you look forward to.
Just in case you forget, remember to:
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